Every relationship has issues. If you don’t think that yours does, you’re probably just confused and you’ve really just been making out with a cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber instead of an actual person. Just saying.
After watching countless couples break up and countless friends attempt to salvage what’s left of an obviously doomed relationship, I decided I’d explore this topic and think about things that are killing our love lives – one sneaky text at a time.
Your cell phone. Cell phones are great. They’ve saved many a person from many an awkward/dangerous situation. But they’re also messing up our relationships – big time. Not only do cell phones distract from actual togetherness time but they also cause major trust issues. When one person is glued to their phone – scrolling Facebook, texting, clicking through Imgur, etc. – it creates a rift; are you not important enough to deserve his/her undivided attention for a couple hours? On top of that, if they seem to be hiding their phone from you? That’s a whole other issue.
Lack of time. In today’s society, everything is rushed and busy. Most 20-somethings work (at least) one full time job and many have multiple jobs. In addition to work, we have school (undergrad, graduate – you name it), a social life to balance (if we’re lucky), families and more. Finding time for each other in between two crazy, hectic schedules can be nearly impossible – especially if you’re both starting out in new careers or job fields. We are constantly torn between dedicating ourselves to our budding careers and dedicating ourselves to our floundering love lives.
Communication problems. Blame it on technology (like I did here) or on changing societal values or whatever you’d like but, no matter what you choose to blame, you have to admit that our generation has some serious communication issues. We would rather text about important issues than talk about them face-to-face, and we’re so self-conscious of our own baggage that we’d rather keep it tucked away than out in the open. We’ve all heard that, for a relationship to work, communication must be a priority. So, why are we still ignoring that little tip?
Trust issues. As a 20-something, you’re in the prime of the I-don’t-trust-the-opposite-sex phase. (If you’re lucky, you’ll grow out of this by your thirties.) You’ve probably experienced at least one major, devastating, life-altering heartbreak, which obviously means that no member of the opposite sex can be trusted again. Plus, going back to technology momentarily, there are now so many venues for cheating – emotional or physical. From sites that market to married men and women looking to have affairs (yes, that actually exists) to hook-up apps like Tinder, trust feels riskier than ever.
Today’s hook-up culture. Speaking of Tinder, today’s hook-up centered culture can make it really difficult to get into a new relationship, let alone maintain one. New articles are being written about sex in today’s society every day – the topic is being beaten to death but is important to consider nonetheless. It seems like every person you meet has a back-up (or more) and all it takes is one nasty fight to make that booty call seem easy and appealing.
Life. Life is stressful and messy and painful and beautiful, all at the same time. Our age group is, as a rule, just trying to figure our shit out. We overthink, overanalyze and assume that it’s easier to run away from a relationship than sit down and talk it out. And, let’s be honest, it is. It’s easier to drop someone at the first sign of trouble and head to a local bar with your friends than it is to face issues head on. Unfortunately, you’re not going to fall in love in a smoky bar.