Those of you that know me know that, as far as relationships go, I always seem to get the short end of the stick. In other words, I always date totally shit guys (no offense…okay, you should be kind of offended). However, I was talking to a good friend of mine today about how weird it is to actually be in a relationship with someone that I genuinely believe in and trust because I’m finally dating someone who is, in his own words, “not like every other guy.”
Have I heard this before? Yup. Do I believe it this time? Surprisingly, yes. Will it be awkward if we break up tomorrow and I have to delete this post like, “Uhh… JK..”? Definitely. But I have a feeling that isn’t going to be the case. Apparently – contrary to popular belief – not all guys are dbags.
Try not to be terrified of the past. It’s so easy, as I said in my last post, to let the past influence the present. If you’ve managed to find a guy who is honest and trusts you, do him a favor – be honest and trust him in return. Don’t let the mistakes of every guy – or girl – you’ve dated influence the way you feel about your present relationship. It’ll just make things messier and more dramatic than necessary. They’ll make plenty of new mistakes; there’s no need to put other people’s mistakes on them, too.
Don’t turn her/him into someone (s)he’s not. I don’t mean this in the typical, try-to-get-him-to-dress-better way (although you shouldn’t do that either!). I mean that you shouldn’t try to turn him into a dishonest, douchey monster when he’s nothing of the sort. I have a friend who is so distrustful (is that a word?) of her boyfriend that she is constantly checking his phone – his texts, his photos, his Facebook, you name it – because she’s trying to catch him doing something wrong. Even when she has no reason to suspect anything. It isn’t like he’s coming home at 3 a.m. or ignoring her for days at a time. She’s just genuinely that terrified. I’m pretty sure studies have shown that, the more you check your SO’s Facebook page or text messages, the more likely you are to not trust them – simply because you’re always convincing yourself that they need checking up on.
Don’t second-guess the relationship. If you’re constantly looking for something to be wrong – like the above paragraph – then you’ll create insecurities where insecurities don’t need to exist. No relationship can survive a constant barrage of second-guessing and unquenchable insecurity. Yes, you’re doing it because you’re scared. But all you’re doing in the end is pushing your SO away. Confidence is sexy, right?
Let yourself be happy. Happiness is scary (is there a theme here?). We’re all so sure that shit is going to hit the fan – especially after years of experience – that we convince ourselves that there’s no way in the entire world that this wonderful, perfect person could truly love us and want to be with us. They’re obviously cheating, right? Or just plain lying for the fun of it? Unlikely. Shake it off and let yourself enjoy the time you have – so what if it’s limited? At least you’re happy now. Let yourself relish in that happiness.