It’s true that everybody has bad luck. But your life is like a live, ongoing music video for that song by Alanis Morissette.
Except, you know, besides the braids. Because those braids are horrible.
No matter how hard you try to do things right, something always goes wrong. It really isn’t your fault. (Okay, some of it is your fault… But most of it isn’t!) Remember that one time I moved in with a guy for the first time and found the most perfect apartment and it was totally gonna be a fairytale and then I ended up homeless on my birthday instead? Yeah, that sucked. But it also wasn’t my fault, seeing as my real estate agent was arrested the week we were supposed to move in. I mean, HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!
There’s absolutely no point in gambling. Or, you know, doing anything that has an element of luck. Lotto tickets? Skip ’em. Raffles? Bingo? Just don’t bother. It’ll only end in disappointment!
Don’t plan things. EVER. You have to know that it’ll just end in disaster. No matter how well-intentioned the plans, I would send the idea to someone else via a little birdy and be done with it. Otherwise, you know, the birthday girl’s house will probably blow up somehow.
Learn to look on the bright side. While my boyfriend is painfully optimistic, I am most definitely on the opposite end of the spectrum. However, when everything in your life is going wrong, you really need to learn to look on the bright side of things. Yes, something goes wrong every time you leave the house. But, I mean, you’re alive, right?